just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
