Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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