Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
