I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
