Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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