I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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