Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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