Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
