lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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