Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
