I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
