Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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