I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
