I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
