Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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