Screwed.edu
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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