My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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