He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize