I puked a lego.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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