my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
