he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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