I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
