Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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