Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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