you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
