Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
