Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
