The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
