Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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