In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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