I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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