Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
