The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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