Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
