remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
