just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
