Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My ATM looks so different sober.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
