Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
