I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
