He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was so not down for the gang bang
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
