I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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