college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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