He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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