She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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