this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
