you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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