Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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