she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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