...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
