I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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