I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize