Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
