Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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