Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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