can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
