I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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