Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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