Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This is classic penis vs brain.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
