So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
