either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
