just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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