i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
