OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
