I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
