my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
