She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I need moral support for this bender
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
