u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
